gut busting honest

"What do you say to the God of the universe who chose not to heal or save your baby? Who, though they are giving you strength to endure, moment by moment, actually allowed the situation that require endurance in the first place? I call on you to pray for me. I will not turn my back on Him. But words fail me."
Conor, Boothe, Sellers, and Copeland's blog

any thoughts?

ever been there?

that's what happens when you get so true that you let it out. can you imagine how many people don't have an answer to a question like that? i know i've been there. i've struggled to "rejoice" in times of pain. how can i help them? i can't. that's the horrible truth. God has to be enough for them, for me, and for you. i could wax eloquent on here with some great theological debate about the completion that God brings to us, how His ways are so great, and about how He does what is best...but if He's not there to comfort, strengthen, and give peace...well, it truly is hopeless.

it's what you do with the pain and suffering that matters most! that's what i've been saying for a year and a half, and just last night i found out that this couple that i've been praying so hard for has been instrumental in our own lives without even knowing it. April 17, 2006, we started myLIFEspeaks because some lady (we now know as Boothe) told Missy that we had a story that needed to be shared. can you imagine the awe i have right now knowing that her words have been so true? how could i ever have imagined that she would be letting her life speak through all of this and putting her raw emotions out for everyone to see?

what are YOU doing with your pain and suffering? you don't have to put it on a blog, on a website, or anywhere else. you're not hiding it. you really aren't. sure you're hiding it from the guy @ Wal-Mart, but you're not hiding it from those who have watched you for years. you're wearing it! it's ok to wear it too. now will you cover it with Him?

life happens

what are we supposed to do when things don't go our way? what do you do? i know what i usually choose. i usually choose to try to think of a solution to my problem. i usually try to figure things out that make sense to me. that usually works pretty good...good enough to create total chaos in my life.

like for instance, my van keys. my keys are so lost right now, i don't think the fbi could find them. seriously, they're lost. in fact, i'm definitely stressed about it. i'm racking my brain to come up with a way to find those little metal devils. it's beginning to affect my family. i mean, i take care of my stuff. i don't leave my toys out in the rain anymore. i put my garage door down at night so that the boogey men won't come in and carry off all of the junk that i call mine. i even went so far as to put up those little hook things that are supposed to keep my keys safely attached to the wall until i need them. the only problem is that i still have to put them there.

this weekend has been exciting...great football games (which is why i thinkg God invented fall!), friends, family, and then it all went southward towards the land of OCD...i lost my keys.

growing up an only child meant that i never had to worry about someone else losing my stuff; it meant however that i couldn't ever blame someone else for losing my stuff. I LOST MY KEYS! what kind of a loser does that? i don't mean misplaced them, i mean LOST them!

i have searched the entire house, the yard, and even both (yes 2) minivans. still no luck. sounds biblical enough, i mean at least the widow found that stupid coin, but that was her and this is ME! she didn't even have keys, shucks, she probably didn't even have a door, but she found the coin, why can't i find the keys???

then it hits me, i'm worried about something so much that it has actually altered my mood. i've never been a crack addict or junkie, but i have had my mood altered before. i never liked it. i hate being out of control of my actions, so why in the world am i letting keys do this to me? i know why, because i have always cared so much about losing something, and now i care so much about losing them. it makes me look bad, look irresponsible, and even silly. i do not like looking like that. i like putting on my pretty little perfect face and living normal without problems. i am not immune to problems though.

then the big one hits, what does it really matter in the scope of things? at least i'm not being sued (like so many people i work with and respect), i'm not watching my child suffer in the last hours of her life (God please watch Copeland...and her mommy, daddy, and sister), nor am i wondering how i am going to put food on the table (which was so true not to many days ago...). i'm worried about keys. i can get another set...or really just one is all that is missing. the truth is my problems aren't really that big today. sure it's a hassle, and having to borrow my wife's keys stinks, but i've got God. that really is enough today.

so those plans i had about getting a giant metal detector and retracing everywhere i've been for the past 4 days are gone. i'm going to spend some time with Him...

why?

have you ever asked yourself why? have you ever wanted to know why these things are happening in your life, in your family, in the lives of those you love so much? i have as well. i have many times wondered why? the most recent why in my life has been, "God, why have you given Missy and i such a great testimony of you? will we be willing to be who you are calling us to be? will we be able to be faithful with the greatness that you have? will we even give you the credit for us being who we are?" fortunately i have been able to fail...and fail often enough to experience the grace of God in many ways. one of those ways is to be able to stand renewed in Him and be given more chances than i deserve at living out what He has given me. today, what will you do with what you have? you have the same 86,400 seconds as the people around you. are you making a difference with the testimony he has given you?

i have to admit, this came about as i read the blog of a family that is laid open in front of the world to wonder the answer to this question as they deal with the death of a child. God, oh that you would be glorified in this horrible world. that You alone would receive the glory that you deserve, and that we would realize that you really DO work good out of the most horrible situations because we are called to YOUR purpose not ours...let our eyes be yours and our thoughts be yours. let us remove ourselves more daily and be replaced by you alone! (www.conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com)