Fall BREAK??

so just when you think you're going to get a vacation, things happen. this weekend we took the boys on a fall BREAK journey. Lane went to the Nanny and Pop's and D and E went to Dollywood and the glorious redneckopolis known as Pigeon Forge. we stayed in a humongous 7 bedroom cabin there with some friends. we enjoyed the rides @ Dollywood, the go-carts @ The Track, and then we got the call.

we got the call from Nanny that they thought Lane had stopped breathing. they had to call 911. the first reaction was to assess the situation, then ask the hard question, "are you saying he's dead?", and then head out. we left D and E in capable hands with our friends, then booked it to East Tennessee Children's Hospital.

we got there right after Pop and Lane did, and all is well. he probably had a small seizure that caused his breathing to be super shallow. as always, better safe than sorry. plus, Lane probably wanted to go see some of his friends he hasn't been around in 10 years...

then tuesday night, D took a helmet to the arm during football practice and proceeded to have a gash that was deep enough for stitches. we jetted off to the Cool Springs Walk-In Clinic for a visit with Dr. Brad. he cleaned the cut...which almost made me puke...and then used super-super-glue to close it. amazing! D was a little worked up over the thought of getting sewed up, but he made it though fine. the only problem is that he doesn't have a super cool stitch in to get some female sympathy, but he'll be fine!

sometimes...

sometimes God allows you to laugh, sometimes you get to cry, and other times you have to sit back and wonder just what in the world is really going on. the reality i always find is that He needs to get the glory regardless. when we act like idiots at church, God is still God. He needs the glory. the problem is we have people trying to step in and take 'just a little bit of it" for themselves. whether it's one person, 12, or 54 it's still simple...it's sin!



when we have troubles in our lives God is still God. when we sit back and wonder why things happen to us like they do, God is still God. funny isn't it. or maybe not...maybe He's trying to break what our view of "right" is. maybe He wants us to reshape our thinking to understand that we really aren't in control, even though we want to be. i can't cure cancer...i really want to. i can't bring people back from the dead...though that might be a wish of mine for some people. i can't heal Lane...i'm still helpless on this one. BUT...i can choose to understand that He already knew this, and He gave me His grace to cope, so i'm not tempted to steal HIS glory...



maybe God wants less of my excuses and more of my letting Him push me around in His chair He built for me...

so it's come to this...

yesterday was the big day. we had over 1500 people at church, and over 1300 voted (a few were absentee ballots but still a bunch of people were here just for the junk). it was funny that the ballot was so forthright. this wasn't some sort of metro ammendment that was for or against marriage or whatever, it was pretty straight forward. people still complained, and hooted and howled (thanks Jerry and Dennis) that this vote was foul, but in the end, only about 4% of the total church membership...listed at over 6800 and 20% of those voting wanted Jerry gone. so, i guess the reality is, the people have spoken. they want to be lead by the pastor and they want Jerry Sutton to be their pastor. only time will tell how much sillier this will get and how much more of a black eye this will give our church in the community. who cares what Christians think? who cares what other baptists think? truthfully i don't. i care what the watching world things. i care that people are using this as another excuse to hate church, God, and all that is related to Him...pretty big consequences follow sin. just think on that...

praying today

today is a wild day. two polar opposite events are taking place in my life within 3 hours of each other.

first, we're voting today in church. i know, exactly what Jesus died on the cross for. so a group of people could grumble and moan because they want things their way. i believe James 4 has something to say about that...

secondly, we're having a BIRTHDAY PARTY for Lane today. it's going to be a blast. 10 years old, what a rush! we've had so many people that we don't even know calling and rsvp'ing for his party, that Missy and i might just be a little overwhelmed when it gets going.

so, regardless of what you think is right or wrong...realize that the world is going on around you. good times, bad times, and weird times are all happening. i pray i see God in it all today!

Happy 10th Birthday!

today is an amazing day. today LANE BRYSON WILSON turns 10 years old. so, instead of a blog, this is a letter to Lane...

Dear Lane,

What can we say? We never thought you would live to be 10 minutes old but 10 years was never even a thought. The years have flown by, and we cherish every thought we have of you and every time we think about you and your gigantic smile, we have to laugh ourselves!

We remember the first time that we had the chance to see you. You were so small! You could have fit in the palm of someone’s hand or in the pocket of a pair of pants. It was tempting so many times to shove you deep into one of our pockets and just run out the door. We could take you away from the hospital and take you into our world…and into the pain and reality that we were helpless. The only thing that kept us from grabbing you and running was the staff. We knew that the people who were there at the hospital watching you each day were there because they loved you and wanted to see you get better.

No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t make you well. That’s the hardest part about being a parent…looking at you and realizing that we could have grabbed you and run away with you, but you were where you needed to be. You were at a place where you were cared for, loved, and most importantly taken care of…by people who knew a whole lot more than us. That is probably what it is supposed to be like though. We should have handed you over to God immediately and trusted Him to take care of you, but that was really difficult. We live in a world that teaches us to fix things, and if we can’t fix them, find someone else who CAN. The horrid reality however was that we couldn’t find anyone else to fix you. Even the doctors and the nurses who loved you, cried for you, and found batteries for your tape player when your music stopped, couldn’t fix you. We found that out the hard way. We realized that you were out of our hands when you were about 2 months old. When you lost your IV’s we were out of hope. We couldn’t trust a doctor to fix you…he didn’t have any more doctor tricks. We couldn’t trust the staff, the friends, or the family either…we were ALL helpless. Then God reminded us that you were on loan to us. You were NEVER supposed to be ours, but you are HIS on loan to us for however long he deems necessary.

You helped us realize that our lives were so out of control. We honestly thought we had control of some of those things. We thought that we could overcome your “problems” and things would eventually be ok. God knew we couldn’t handle it on our own and allowed us to struggle just long enough to throw up our hands and completely remove “US” from “YOU”. Guess what? You’re alive today because God had so much bigger plans than we could have dreamed up.

If we had it to choose, we would never have chosen it this way. We would have NEVER chosen to have a “special” child. We wanted normal. We wanted routine. We wanted what everyone else had. Then we realized that God was giving us a gift in you. We get to see you grow up. We get to see you defy the odds. We get to see you on your best and worst days, but we still realize that each of those days are on loan from God, and when we get to be too possessive, we have to take our hands off again. God’s been really great at allowing us to remove our hands multiple times. He has been there the whole time, watching over you and giving you enough breaths to survive exactly how HE wants. He didn’t call us and ask if it was ok, and we’re glad He didn’t. We would have missed out on so much.

We would have missed:
 Mom coming to ask Jesus into her heart in 1998 because she was sick of playing the game. She wanted REAL life change, not a new paint job on the old life.
 Realizing that the doctors and nurses in the NICU have weird lives. They don’t go home at the end of the day and “deprogram” from it all. Many of them stop by late at night because they continue to think about the babies that are trusted to them.
 Getting to know that EVERYONE has problems in their lives. Our “problem” turned out to be the greatest gift ever…you!
 Your brothers getting a chance to see God at work. You have overcome every obstacle in front of you. They know that God is in control.
 Dyllan having the biggest heart for others…because he would NEVER let anyone hurt you.
 Eli letting you grab, push, hit, and roll all over him. How awesome to know that he sees you as his brother…nothing else. He really loves you!
 You patting your chest when you answer the question, “Where does Jesus live?” You know He’s in your heart…I don’t know how, but I want to make sure I live everyday knowing that one day…you’re going to walk, talk, and see…better than anyone ever did here on earth. One day, you’ll be fixed!
 April 17, 2006…my LIFE speaks being born because we had come to the end of our road…and found that God wanted us to trust Him more and more…

We got to meet so many incredible people because you were born. We met incredible doctors, nurses, social workers, ambulance drivers, pilots, and other parents who were just like us.

As your Dad, I remember being so overwhelmed the first time 10 years ago that I walked into the NICU to see you lying there in your bed. You were covered in saran wrap. I didn’t know why. I knew there had to be a reason, but that reason escaped me. I couldn’t get past the fact that you had 10 fingers, 10 toes, and you were perfect. You were a little small, but you were still perfect.

When Mom finally got to see you, she immediately went into Mom mode. She began talking to you, singing to you, and praying for you. How ironic, that the person that carried you inside of her for 23 weeks was now trusting someone else to get you to our house.

Lane, Happy 10th Birthday. Thanks for letting us learn so much about God because of you. Thanks for not hating us because we brought you into this world, but please know, God had to be in charge, because we would have messed it up for you. We would have chosen “normal” and missed out on you being who God created you to be!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy!

It's Coming!!

a day is coming that i never thought i would ever happen. Tomorrow, October 4, 2007 will celebrate 10 years of LANE'S life. he's come so far from 1 pound and 4 ounces and 11 inches long. What a BLESSING. i have to admit, this morning while i was feeding him and listening to Daughtry's song, "Home" i couldn't help but think about how this home on earth won't compare to his true home in heaven.

find someone to smile at today!

i was reminded

i was reminded this morning on the way to take the boys to school, that God doesn't worry. i was reminded because i had begun to worry in my self that things were getting out of hand with Him, and that He might be needing my help. i remembered when my littlest prayed, that God would be ok today...he really meant it. he wants God to have a good day...then i started thinking...when has God NOT had a good day? the answer has to be simple...HE IS. so, He doesn't have bad days. He CREATED days...just something to think about today.

gut busting honest

"What do you say to the God of the universe who chose not to heal or save your baby? Who, though they are giving you strength to endure, moment by moment, actually allowed the situation that require endurance in the first place? I call on you to pray for me. I will not turn my back on Him. But words fail me."
Conor, Boothe, Sellers, and Copeland's blog

any thoughts?

ever been there?

that's what happens when you get so true that you let it out. can you imagine how many people don't have an answer to a question like that? i know i've been there. i've struggled to "rejoice" in times of pain. how can i help them? i can't. that's the horrible truth. God has to be enough for them, for me, and for you. i could wax eloquent on here with some great theological debate about the completion that God brings to us, how His ways are so great, and about how He does what is best...but if He's not there to comfort, strengthen, and give peace...well, it truly is hopeless.

it's what you do with the pain and suffering that matters most! that's what i've been saying for a year and a half, and just last night i found out that this couple that i've been praying so hard for has been instrumental in our own lives without even knowing it. April 17, 2006, we started myLIFEspeaks because some lady (we now know as Boothe) told Missy that we had a story that needed to be shared. can you imagine the awe i have right now knowing that her words have been so true? how could i ever have imagined that she would be letting her life speak through all of this and putting her raw emotions out for everyone to see?

what are YOU doing with your pain and suffering? you don't have to put it on a blog, on a website, or anywhere else. you're not hiding it. you really aren't. sure you're hiding it from the guy @ Wal-Mart, but you're not hiding it from those who have watched you for years. you're wearing it! it's ok to wear it too. now will you cover it with Him?

life happens

what are we supposed to do when things don't go our way? what do you do? i know what i usually choose. i usually choose to try to think of a solution to my problem. i usually try to figure things out that make sense to me. that usually works pretty good...good enough to create total chaos in my life.

like for instance, my van keys. my keys are so lost right now, i don't think the fbi could find them. seriously, they're lost. in fact, i'm definitely stressed about it. i'm racking my brain to come up with a way to find those little metal devils. it's beginning to affect my family. i mean, i take care of my stuff. i don't leave my toys out in the rain anymore. i put my garage door down at night so that the boogey men won't come in and carry off all of the junk that i call mine. i even went so far as to put up those little hook things that are supposed to keep my keys safely attached to the wall until i need them. the only problem is that i still have to put them there.

this weekend has been exciting...great football games (which is why i thinkg God invented fall!), friends, family, and then it all went southward towards the land of OCD...i lost my keys.

growing up an only child meant that i never had to worry about someone else losing my stuff; it meant however that i couldn't ever blame someone else for losing my stuff. I LOST MY KEYS! what kind of a loser does that? i don't mean misplaced them, i mean LOST them!

i have searched the entire house, the yard, and even both (yes 2) minivans. still no luck. sounds biblical enough, i mean at least the widow found that stupid coin, but that was her and this is ME! she didn't even have keys, shucks, she probably didn't even have a door, but she found the coin, why can't i find the keys???

then it hits me, i'm worried about something so much that it has actually altered my mood. i've never been a crack addict or junkie, but i have had my mood altered before. i never liked it. i hate being out of control of my actions, so why in the world am i letting keys do this to me? i know why, because i have always cared so much about losing something, and now i care so much about losing them. it makes me look bad, look irresponsible, and even silly. i do not like looking like that. i like putting on my pretty little perfect face and living normal without problems. i am not immune to problems though.

then the big one hits, what does it really matter in the scope of things? at least i'm not being sued (like so many people i work with and respect), i'm not watching my child suffer in the last hours of her life (God please watch Copeland...and her mommy, daddy, and sister), nor am i wondering how i am going to put food on the table (which was so true not to many days ago...). i'm worried about keys. i can get another set...or really just one is all that is missing. the truth is my problems aren't really that big today. sure it's a hassle, and having to borrow my wife's keys stinks, but i've got God. that really is enough today.

so those plans i had about getting a giant metal detector and retracing everywhere i've been for the past 4 days are gone. i'm going to spend some time with Him...

why?

have you ever asked yourself why? have you ever wanted to know why these things are happening in your life, in your family, in the lives of those you love so much? i have as well. i have many times wondered why? the most recent why in my life has been, "God, why have you given Missy and i such a great testimony of you? will we be willing to be who you are calling us to be? will we be able to be faithful with the greatness that you have? will we even give you the credit for us being who we are?" fortunately i have been able to fail...and fail often enough to experience the grace of God in many ways. one of those ways is to be able to stand renewed in Him and be given more chances than i deserve at living out what He has given me. today, what will you do with what you have? you have the same 86,400 seconds as the people around you. are you making a difference with the testimony he has given you?

i have to admit, this came about as i read the blog of a family that is laid open in front of the world to wonder the answer to this question as they deal with the death of a child. God, oh that you would be glorified in this horrible world. that You alone would receive the glory that you deserve, and that we would realize that you really DO work good out of the most horrible situations because we are called to YOUR purpose not ours...let our eyes be yours and our thoughts be yours. let us remove ourselves more daily and be replaced by you alone! (www.conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com)