Tuesday, August 5, 2008

out of control?

what do you do when things are out of your control?

that's a very real question to me these days. i think the most difficult part of LIFE right now is knowing that the majority of my LIFE is out of my control. i am completely living in a dependent state. i depend on God first and foremost to get me through the day, to get me up in the mornings, and to sustain my being.

i depend on my wife to take care of the kids while i'm gone. i depend on her to be the glue that is holding things together while i'm traveling. i depend on her to make sure things get done while i'm away...like getting kids to football, to voice lessons, and everywhere else they need to go.

i depend on the boys to help their mom. i depend on them to listen, be respectful, and to help even in instances when mom doesn't ask for it.

i depend on katie to help too. i depend on her to help get the boys around, to help with lane, and to walk with Christ.

as much as i hate to admit it, this LIFE of dependency is difficult. i don't have a regular "steady" job for the first time in 14 years. i don't have a "church" to call home. i don't know what things are going to look like next week, next month, or even next year.

i don't have a place to regularly plug into. it was so much easier when everything fell into place, but i'm finding out that God isn't concerned with things falling into place on my schedule, rather He's going to continue to want me to live for Him, and remember, regardless of what my fears tell me, that He is going to see us through--and He will. it might mean a big lifestyle change, moving, or facing my greatest fears and being a part of a different church, but i KNOW God is going to do something amazing in our lives, and I WILL DEPEND ON HIM.

Monday, August 4, 2008

for the first time in a long time, sunday was different for our family. we didn't go to church. it's not that we haven't missed church in the past 14 years, but it was the reality of not having a place to call home. we didn't go to two rivers, which has been our home church for the past 9 years for obvious reasons, and we didn't go anywhere else because, well, we chose to stay home. i guess part of my thinking was, if i'm going to miss brother jerry's last sunday there after 22 years, i'm not going anywhere. i don't think i expected to have a difficult time with the decision. in fact, i was absolutely excited to know that we had the freedom to CHOOSE to stay at home and sleep in. the reality however was much different. there was a heaviness in our house. the sleep wasn't that great and even going to the pool with the boys wasn't what i had hoped it would be. i had a blast with them, but something was missing. the emptiness compounded with my chance meeting with a lady on saturday afternoon who chose to tell me (RANDOMLY) about how great her church was (fellowship bible church ) and that i would be welcomed there and would love it. she even went on to say (in our 5 minute conversation) that she had grown up southern baptist, and had found a home at fellowship. she was drawn to it because it wasn't legalistic, nor was she looked down on because of what she drove or what she drank. she truly was excited about her church and what was happening in her LIFE. now, i must admit, THAT IS EXACTLY what i think church is supposed to be about...being so excited about something that is drawing you closer to Christ, further from legalism, and removing you from bitterness. i think i want to be a part of something like that. now, do i want to be a part of something like that that is already going, or am i going to be a part of something that isn't yet known? there, it's out there. i'm praying through it! pray with me, won't you?

Monday, July 21, 2008

what i'm about right now

i must say that the internet is an amazing thing that sometimes really helps. it's been cool to see what i can do and how i can get the message out.

last night i spoke at River of LIFE in Smyrna. it was a smaller group, but i must say, it was an amazing time to share what God has me being about in my LIFE right now.

blessings today,
--mike ><>

Sunday, July 20, 2008

fun times...exciting times...scary times...

today, missy and i ventured out to a new church. we visited GracePointe Church in Brentwood with some friends.

i must say, it was definitely odd to just GO to church. we talked about it in the van on the way with the whole family in tow, that today was the first time since the first couple of weeks in seminary that we didn't know where to go to church. we have been going to church where i have worked for almost 14 years...pretty amazing.

all in all the service was good, the people were nice, and the experience was pleasurable, but it was definitely difficult knowing our home church was going through so much.

we're going to keep seeking and searching as we look for THE place where we'll wind up, but until we do, we're going to enjoy the process. what else can you do?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

more stuff i have learned recently


as i think about the things i learned, i have to let you know one more thing i have learned from my kids.

2. when i lay my kids down to sleep, one of the things i try to do with them is pray. i know, as a professional Christian you might expect that from me, but i do try to make it happen. unfortunately i get caught up like many people do, in getting the task done so they can get to bed and so i can finally wind down and crash myself. with summer upon us, it seems like i'm going to bed at the same time as my kids these days.

ok, so here's the lesson:
when Lane was young and still in the NICU, we got ready to leave one night, and we said his prayers over him. we quickly realized that we had "punched the clock." we learned it because we hadn't gotten too far down the road and my pager (yep, old school pager with a beeper) went off. we were notified to come back to the NICU. since we didn't have a cell phone, we immediately turned the car around and headed back to the NICU. when we got there we were greeted by a doctor who told us that things were ok now, but that Lane had stopped breathing while we were gone--even while he was on a ventilator. he explained that Lane was having bronchospasms--where his lungs just couldn't get air and no matter how hard the ventilator worked, they were helpless.

when things finally settled down early the next morning, Missy and i decided it was time to head home and try to get some rest. then we prayed with Lane again and realized the line in the prayer that we couldn't get past...."If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take..."

how do you pray that prayer knowing that it might come true? how do you pray and ask God to take care of your child who might die, when He just might do it? the only answer i have is faith. i don't know how, i don't know when, but i know it happened. we began to have a different faith. one that wasn't out for a comfortable moment, but one that said God actually knew best. one that said, our house will be great for Lane and we will take care of him, BUT God's house will be even better and God will take even BETTER care of him.

what a humbling and sober moment for a parent. i wasn't prepared for it. even with my professional Christian status and my theological training, i wasn't prepared for that giant growth of my faith, and God knew it. He knew i wasn't prepared, but He knew i was ready.

So today, regardless of what comes, i don't have to be prepared to learn, just ready. that's why through all of this with my Dad i REFUSE to give up. i REFUSE to blame ANYONE and i REFUSE to get angry. I don't have the right to question God's choice of when it is time for me to grow, i just need to be ready. i don't like growing, but i don't think Jonah, Job, Paul, Simon Peter, Moses, Noah, Samson, or anyone else did either. (pretty eclectic list huh?--and notice they all didn't handle things right!)

what are you going to do with your growing opportunity today?

if you have heard about Sunday's message at Two Rivers, then you might have heard i spoke a little about this. Here is the outline...
1. Our Problems are OUR opportunity to find God's strength and power.
Romans 8:18-19, 28, 31-32
James 1:2-4

2. Our problems are OUR opportunity to find OUR weaknesses
Romans 8:33-36
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Paul's background 2 Corinthians 11:24-29
2 Corinthians 4:8

3. Our problems are OUR opportunity to explore the height and depth of God.
Romans 8:37-39
James 1:5-8
Psalm 139:7-8

then we sang Great is THY Faithfulness...

you can check out the podcast, by subscribing at www.tworivers.org

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Things I'm Learning...


if you know me, you know i really like to learn. i like to read and i like to watch those shoes on the discovery channel and national geographic channel that no one else watches. now that i have HD tv i find myself watching more weird stuff!

over the past few months i've learned some things. i think i will share them with you in the days to come. today, i want you to know what Lane has taught me...

1. Lane taught me that i am his version of what God looks like--really.

this is how it played out. we were in his room one day and i asked Lane, "who loves you?" he immediately answered, "GAAHHD." if you have heard him say this, you can imagine the sound. it was pretty cool. on this particular day i decided to take it a step or two further. i asked Lane, "where does God live?" Lane took his thumb and hit his chest a couple of times and said, "AAAAHHHRR." that's Lane for HEART.

i beamed as a proud dad who realized his son was getting it. i don't know how much he got, but i most definitely knew he was getting something, so i decided to take it a step further. i asked Lane, "who ELSE loves you?" Lane quickly replied, "DADDEEEY!" yes, i smiled again with pride.

then i did something i had never done before and hadn't planned to do. i asked Lane, "who is God?" i did this because i honestly expected him to respond with the sign language for Jesus, or say "GAAHHD", or anything else, but he didn't. he said, "DADDEEEY!" i quickly told him "no, daddy's not God."

i asked again and again, he answered the same. i was beginning to worry about him. i know he has severe brain damage and doesn't comprehend a lot of what we say, AND he functions on about an 18 month level, but what was i doing to my child? was i locking something into his brain that was forever going to ruin him? was i going to cause him to miss out on faith in Christ because of how he was answering? was i scarring him for LIFE? Funny how when we begin thinking we're so important we realize how quickly we mess things up!

then i realized that what i was seeing was something i had heard for so many years. i was actually witnessing what i have told so many people. We really ARE influenced about our view of our Heavenly Father from our earthly father! i don't think i was prepared for that. my whole LIFE message is to tell others that their LIFE is speaking. i know myLIFEspeaks, but i don't know that i realized what it was saying to my own children.

i still don't want Lane or anyone else to think that i am God. i shudder at that thought, but i do recognize now that when we ride to school, the mall, ball practice, or anywhere else, my kids are looking at me like i'm their version of God. i know they'll grow out of that--D is already growing way too fast for me.

so there you have it. #1....Lane has taught me to always be on the alert because God is being processed to my children through me...pretty scary stuff huh?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dad Has a Care Page!!

If you want to get regular updates, leave him a message, or get in contact with him, use the information below: you will have to copy and paste to your browser. Please help spread the word...

Dear Friend or Family Member,


You've been invited to visit Don Wilson's online CarePage.

A personalized Web page, called a CarePage, has been created

for Don, so you can easily receive

the latest news, view photos and share messages of support.


To visit the CarePage, please click the link below:

http://www.carepages.com/ServeCarePage?cpn=donwilson3&ipc=pinviteemailtemplate

Dad--update 2

10 years ago, i vividly remember asking a group of people to pray for our (then) newborn son, Land. Lane was a preemie and was having extremely difficult times. he had a stroke when he was born that would affect almost every area of his life in the days to come. i remember asking people to pray for him to do something most of us do regularly and without much thought--go to the bathroom. the problem with Lane was his bowels. he had a couple of major bowel perforations that caused him major problems, and we didn't know then if his bowels would EVER work. i remember the first time he "soiled" a diaper...i was about to speak one evening to our church--calvary baptist church in lenoir city, tennessee. i remember getting a page (yeah, that was a LONG time ago) and calling the hospital almost immediately. the nurse on the other end screamed, "HE DID IT! HE POOPED!" she even saved the diaper for us to see when we got to the hospital later that night. i got up and announced to the church how proud i was of our son because he had accomplished this task.

now what in the world does that story have to do with my dad you might ask. since my dad's accident he has been having to go through the most horrible "humility" therapy of anyone i know. i know this is a personal line i am crossing, and apologize profusely, but you must understand i don't think prayers get gross to God. i think He smiles when we rejoice and see His hand--even in something like Lane's situation 10 years ago or in what my Dad is going through even now.

my dad has never been what i would consider a physically imposing man, but someone who could and still does work me under the table. i remember as a child thinking he was the smartest human ever because he would work all day, read the ENTIRE newspaper--not just the comics, eat dinner, work around the house, fix the cars, keep the yard perfectly maintained, and still have time to throw baseball or football. i looked at him in the hospital bed this weekend and remembered all those things and saw the exact same man lying there in front of me. he might not be able to move his legs but i really don't think he needs to. i think he MUST be who God created him to be. i saw a side of my dad this weekend that i loved. i saw the gentle side, the caring side, the thankful side, and the side that says he will NEVER give up (yeah, he's multi-faceted!).

i saw my mom try to be strong for him. she's the world's WORST actor, so it was tough for her, but still, she did her best. then i heard her say, "God is good and we're just going to have to trust him in this." my response was very pastoral, "you know, you're going to have to EAT those words in the days to come." She agreed and understood, for what might be the first time, that her sarcastic and cynical son wasn't completely a heretic. i know how those words taste, and i'm darn proud that my parents got to see me eat them. i know they taste like lane's earlier described accomplishment, but i know that they are made bearable ONLY when they are seasoned with God's measure of grace and mercy that He chooses to give us.

i also got to see my wife like i have never before seen her. (it's funny, my eyes have been dry the entire time i have been typing this and as i think about my dad in the hospital paralyzed, my mom's world being drastically changed by something she didn't ask for, but even THINKING about how amazing my wife was to me and IS to me makes them swell with these water droplets lesser humans might call tears!). when i got the call from mom on Friday, missy was the one to tell me to call mom back. i was at a breakfast meeting and just couldn't get to the phone at that time (i was pouring out all my own junk to one of my best friends in the world over a country boy breakfast at cracker barrel and thought i would just get back to mom later). when i got to missy, my first thought was to assess the situation and then if it was really bad go to knoxville to see them. i NEVER dreamed that this would turn out the way it did. i realized later that i never called anyone, and i started getting text messages from my friends. how did they know? why were they praying for my dad when i hadn't called? MISSY DID. she started using her spiritual gifts of the cell phone, text messaging, and email for my benefit. within hours thousands of people around the globe were praying for dad. my wife went from best friend to even bester friend. she knew exactly what to do when i didn't have a clue. she knew to call the couple i was supposed to do the wedding for and explain to them what had happened. she knew to have brent perform the wedding instead of me. she knew we needed to leave immediately. she knew mom needed me and dad would never ask, but secretly swelled with excitement to know we were coming. she's put up with so much over the past 15 years, i have to smile knowing that she's mine!!

Dad has been moved from UT Hospital (Knoxville's area Trauma hospital) to the Patricia Neal Rehabilitation Clinic for therapy. he was moved last night and it was a fairly comfortable experience. i think it wore him out, but at least he slept last night. sleep has been something that has been more drug-induced than actual sleep. He woke up this morning and got to eat a little (the bathroom thing is still a potential disaster) and has already begun therapy.

He has had so friends contact them and offer to help, he has been truly overwhelmed. i'll try to keep the commentary down in he future, but thought it might be a good change of pace.

please continue to pray for his shoulder, ribs, lung, pelvis, back, legs, and his whole body. he's busted up really bad, but even in being physically broken, pray that he will seize the opportunity to let his LIFE SPEAK to others around him over the coming days.

Blessings,
--mike ><>

Saturday, June 14, 2008

my Dad...

Thanks to all of you for praying for my Dad after his recent accident. If you aren't familiar with what happened, i'll try to catch you up.

Friday morning my Dad got up on his roof to clean it off...something he has done countless times before. Thursday afternoon had brought some rain, so the roof was a little damp, was cluttered with leaves and sticks, and had a little algae growing on it, so getting up on the roof Friday morning was more than a little treacherous.

He was on the second story roof and lost his footing and fell to his bottom and began to slide. he had a broom in one hand and a small gas powered leaf blower in the other. as he began to slide off the edge of the roof, he tried valiantly to stick the broom handle into the gutter and wasn't able to make it stick. he tumbled over the 2nd story roof onto the first floor roof of the porch and rolled right off the edge. he fell through an 8 foot holly bush (the sticker bush kind), and head first onto his back into the flower bed. the worst part is that he landed on a rock about the size of a football...and never let go of the gas powered blower!

his injuries are rather extensive: a busted shoulder (we have been told a broken clavicle, but that's not been confirmed yet), a collapsed lung, a few broken ribs, a pelvis that is cracked on both sides, and a crushed vertebrae (thoracic 12). The crushed vertebrae required emergency surgery to repair. the surgery required that his Thoracic 10th vertebrae through lumbar 5 vertebrae be fused together. the biggest problem is that when the vertebrae burst a piece of bone fragment went into the spinal cord and caused the spinal cord leak fluid. during surgery he lost quite a bit of spinal fluid and blood.

he came through surgery well, and is now out of ICU and in a room at the University of Tennessee Medical Center in Knoxville.

We don't know what the long-term affects will be. He is having a hard time breathing deep and is understandably sore. The biggest issue now is that he can not feel anything below his waist and there is no way of knowing what the outcome is going to be.

Your prayers would be greatly appreciated as we learn how to deal with this. whether he can walk again or not we dont' know, but we DO know that God is in control. it's been easy to say that, but having to actually LIVE that is a little more difficult, but we DO KNOW that God is walking through this with us.

thanks for your prayers.

want to send him a get well wish? shoot me an email and i'll forward it to them.

THANKS!

-mike ><>

Monday, June 2, 2008

back home


well, i'm home. i have successfully traveled half-way around the world and made it back home. i have been able to hug my wife and my boys and tell them how much i missed them. i have been able to give them the gifts i got for them while in HK and have been able to spend some time laughing with them. i have tasted the flavors of the orient and survived!

now for the hard part. i'm back home and back to my normal routine. i'm trying to get back to LIFE as usual, but i don't think that's going to be possible. i've been infected with LIFE on a different scale. i don't want to ever be the same again. i want to grasp what God has in store for me and my family and hold on for dear LIFE.

i want to drink in His grace and mercy everyday and never be satisfied with who i am or what i am doing. i want things to be different.

cheers!